01.16.09
Exhausted
Physically, mentally and emotionally… due to work, work and some really pointless fights with her over the past week or so that culminated in something not unlike an explosion today.
Maybe it’s what she said, or maybe it’s a combination of my reaction and what she said and my interpretation of it. The thing is, 90% of our fights happen as a result of our chats online so I think sometimes a lot of things get lost in translation over the line.
But today’s conversation was really uncalled for. She really crossed the line bringing my bestie into it. If you want to make it a point to tell me you’re moving on fine and you’ve got all these wonderful plans for the future, fine, it’s all well and good for you. Do what you have to do. In fact, I’ll even quietly let it go that you’re making such a POINT about it.
But the moment you try to wield my best friend like a weapon to hit me with is when you see explosions.
Bad enough I have to share some of my friends with her. It’d have all been fine if we were on good terms… but the sad fact is, we’ve got too much baggage between us right now. Again I question the effort to maintain the friendship.
Sometimes friendship is not the solution to making life happier/easier. This is the first time I’ve experienced this for myself. Because I’ve always made it a point to stay friends with exes. Why do I bother? Because as exes, we started out as friends, and then we’ve shared experiences and good feelings, we’ve cared for each other – it seems a shame to let it go down the drain. After all.. just because it did not work out romantically doesn’t mean it won’t work out platonically. Right?
But this particular ‘friendship’ has been very very trying. Well, we’ll see what happens.
I was drained after blowing up at her. She had apologized and said she didn’t mean it the way I thought she did. I don’t know… that’s what she always says in the end so I don’t know. Don’t think she’d admit otherwise. I was just already exhausted from a serious lack of sleep due to some last minute job the night before. So… I couldn’t be bothered to pursue the subject.
The whole thing was very upsetting though.
I got off work at a reasonable hour only to suddenly remember I had to collect my return trip ticket from Singapore. So there was a mild Amazing Race-like mission to get to the coach office before 9pm. Sigh. There went my relaxing night I was envisioning.
Not that I could have had one anyway. I blame the exhaustion for my crankiness. I’m going to sleep now. Zzzzz…….
01.14.09
Potentially pregnant
Lol. So I went to the gynae last week for the yearly pap smear. She told me to lie down so she could do this ultrasound scan on me first. One cool thing was that there was a screen right above my bed so I could see the scan as well. At first, it was just a blurry black and white image of… shapes…
Gynae: Ah… there you go, you see your ovaries? You have lovely ovaries.
Me: Er… ok. (thanks?)
Gynae: You see those two round shapes there? Those are your ovaries.
Me: …
Gynae: They are shaped very nicely, you are potentially pregnant.
Me: !!! (expression of pure terror and panic; did she see something in the scan?!)
Gynae: =)
Me: Uh… sorry, what do you mean I’m… potentially pregnant?
Gynae: Your ovaries are lovely and healthy, there is no obstruction, so if you don’t use protection you can get pregnant.
Me: …oh.
An immense wave of relief swept over me and I resisted a sudden urge to giggle.
12.03.08
Beyond the mere physical
Warning: Cheesy, slightly clumsy erotica ahead.
————————————————————————————-
She shifted her weight and moved on top of him on the queen sized bed so her lips could devour his more forcefully. Her top hung loosely around her waist and her bra had been tossed aside in a passionate haste. He gently cupped her breasts as she drank him in.
As her lips moved down to his neck and his chest, she felt the familiar stirrings of his male hardness against her. She kissed his stomach while her hands unbuckled the constraints of his pants. She slid onto the floor and pulled him to sit at the edge, so she now knelt between his spread legs.
She slipped her hand inside and gripped the length of his long, hard shaft. He sighed softly as she pulled it out, shivering slightly in anticipation of the raw lust she would soon unleash. Holding it in one hand and stroking it gently with her fingertips…
“Do you want me to suck your cock?“
“Oh yeah.“
“I thought you said you were tired.“
“No…“
“So… can I suck your cock?“
“Yes…“
She ran her tongue up the length of his hardening cock, over and over again, licking it like she would a stick of ice-cream. Her lips lingered over the tip of his cock, wet tongue swirling over the newly exposed area where foreskin met cockhead. She closed her mouth over just the head, giving little sucks that induced soft moans from her intoxicated partner. A wicked smile curved her lips.
“You like this?“
“Mmfph.“
“You like your dirty girl sucking your cock?“
“Yeah, you’re a dirty girl.“
Without any indication she was about to, she dipped her head and slid his cock deep into her throat, tightening her lips as she did. He moaned. She held it there in heat and wetness for a moment, surpressing a gag that was an indication of how well-endowed he was. Then her head began to move up and down, repeatedly sucking his cock in as deep as she could before sliding it out again.
He propped himself on his elbows to watch. She released his cock from the confines of her hot, wet mouth and held it in one hand to begin deliciously long licks along the shaft. She raised her eyes to meet his as she did. She was aware of how she must look from where he was, and took a perverse delight in the slutty image.
As she licked, sucked, nibbled and pleasured his cockhead, she found she could not tear her gaze away from his. His eyes held hers intensely, an expression of barely-controlled lust mixed with an unfathomable one written across his face and smouldered in his irises. The cacophony of her lustful thoughts were silenced in that look, leaving nothing but a desire to please him and to want him to watch her please him.
Her cheeks flushed at the depth and intimacy of this connection that went beyond mere physical pleasure.
So this is what it has always supposed to be like, she thought.
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Meh. Feel free to get off on it. Lol.
05.02.08
The differences between di…men and pus…women.
Time and time again, I’m reminded about what it’s like to date men (no, it hasn’t been THAT long ago) and I wouldn’t mind being single again. As a collective, I find the different aspects of both genders fascinating, annoying, and endearing all at the same time. Some traits you can live with, some you can’t live without, and some make you want to pull out your hair. Having experienced them more…closely, certain things stand out to me.
| TRAIT | Men | Butches | Women |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sensitivity | Low degree, to the point of cluelessness. Some exceptions. | High degree, to the point it freaks me out. NO exceptions! | Depends. When it concerns them, especially. |
| Being affectionate | Not often. Unless it’s a prelude to sex! | All the time, though it gets awkward in public | Most of the time |
| Ego | Big | The harder the butch, the bigger | Small |
| Generousity | A lot | To a point it’s ridiculous | The least |
| Emotional dependence | Generally little. | A LOT. | A fair bit. Especially submissive ones. |
| Ability to compromise | Slightly retarded in this area. | High, to the point of being pushovers. | Even more retarded than men in this area. |
| Skills in bed | Directly proportionate to how well they kiss. | Rarely bad. | Directly proportionate to how much experience they’ve had. |
I’m generalizing, of course… but there are just a few inescapable facts. A man’s ego, for example. A woman’s willingness to please. A butch’s tortured outlook in life. Oh they’re almost always tortured… because they’ve had to deal with estrangement on different levels, an awkward childhood, parental pressures, the desire to find a partner… it’s tough to be a butch!Then you have the exceptions. Like, the needy, sensitive, emotionally dependent man who turns into a stalker when his girlfriend dumps him. Or the player butch who can turn a straight girl gay. Or very driven, ambitious women who don’t wait around for some rich guy to sweep them off their feet.People are interesting this way.
04.03.08
How To Kiss Well
Okay, here’s where you need to pay attention. Please!
Especially if you:
- Have never kissed before (in which case, isn’t it past your bedtime?)
- Have had one (or perhaps more) kissing partner(s) who never said you were bad, but NEVER SPECIFICALLY SAID YOU WERE GOOD. I SWEAR YOU NEED TO READ THIS.
- Are going to kiss someone new for the first time.
Or if you just want to be entertained, here goes…
1. Please start with a clean slate – literally! That means good hygiene, no funky smells from wherever funky smells come from, and most importantly – fresh breath! Cheat by using mints.
2. Please be at least 85% sure that it’s ’the right time’. If your target’s a guy, chances are any time is the right time, ha-ha. But if she’s a she… a measure of intuition, good judgement and assessment of the situation is essential. If you want to ASK, you ought to be aware that the question is almost always rhetorical. Only do so with the 85% assurance and only when you’re ready to initiate, because there’s nothing more awkward than “May I kiss you?” and actually waiting for her to stammer yes or worse, NO.
3. When I say “initiate”, I do not mean swooping in and taking your poor partner’s lips hostage. I mean the 90/10% rule. You’ve seen Hitch, you’ve heard a similar rule from him. Let me tell you, it’s TRUE. I’ve seen this tactic in action long before I watched the show. Basically this is what it is: You’re drawing closer, and closer, past your partner’s personal space, you maintain eye contact, tilt your head (nose mushing is extremely off-putting), g…o……e…v…e…n……c…l…o…s…e…r, drop your eyes to partner’s lips (so nobody has to see the other’s eyes cross) – and stop. Just freakin’ stop at 90% of the way. I call this The Hover. LET YOUR PARTNER COME THE REST OF THE WAY. This way, your partner is committed and you won’t look or feel like the desperate goon who wants to get into his/her/its pants.
4 . Gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle. Repeat this to yourself like your sex life depends on it, because it probably does. When your partner takes the trouble to come 10% to meet you, reward this deserving person with GENTLE. Not with a lip-chomping, teeth-gnashing, tongue-beating session that nobody should ever have to experience. Not to place too much an emphasis on this, but GUYS, not so much girls (trust me on this), may need to chant this mantra a little longer.
5. Eyes are either closed or semi-closed. There’s nothing more disconcerting than having someone stare at you from this | | far apart.
6. Absolutely no groping! Hands at a decent position which could range from his/her face, shoulders, waist, one lightly behind the head, or a combination of any of these decent places. If this is too High School Musical for you, please adjourn to www.thehustlerdiaries.blogspot.com.
7. There are a variety of kissing styles, but this *ahem* is a classic one I tend to favour. I’ll call it The Sandwich, because that’s what it is. Your partner’s top or bottom lip ends up between yours, and vice versa. Here is the beginning of a long, continuous kiss which, hopefully, will not be a traumatic experience for your partner. And it will be if you immediately shove your tongue down his/her throat. Absolutely no hint of tongue until no.10!
8. This is make or break: Establishing a rythmn. Let your lips do the caressing, slowly and what’s the word? Gently. Read your partner’s body language and let him/her participate in the kiss. LET HIM/HER PARTICIPATE IN THE KISS. How? You give and you take, you kiss and be kissed. Read responses and respond accordingly. Look out for signs of enjoyment (or lack of). You do not grab the baton and do the 400m dash. It’s a relay race. The worst kisses are those which are out of sync. And….
9. Slobbery. To avoid this, try swallowing before no.2 and no.3, and anytime you need to. Just… have a bit of self awareness throughout the whole thing. Please?
10. If done right, you should never have your lips pursed or closed completely at any point. Keep ‘em parted and flexible, should any changes in rythmn occur – such as when some tongue action seems to be in order! To test – as you’re kissing, let your tongue slide over the bottom of your partner’s lips. To test further – gently let your tongue probe your partner’s. Do these a few times to ascertain if he/she is ok with it. Now you can let your tongue caress his/hers, linger inside for longer, make slow and sensuous sweeps of your tongue across his/hers, and alternate these between the kissing you’ve already established at no.8.
So that’s my Kissing 101! Just some basic and ESSENTIAL things some people need to know. There’s no one-style-fits-all because everyone’s different – everyone is a new learning curve, and isn’t that the most enjoyable part of kissing? And trust me, you don’t want to be a bad kisser. Bad kissers = bad in bed. Because if you don’t know how to work it up here, you probably won’t know how to work it anywhere else!
