12.03.08
Beyond the mere physical
Warning: Cheesy, slightly clumsy erotica ahead.
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She shifted her weight and moved on top of him on the queen sized bed so her lips could devour his more forcefully. Her top hung loosely around her waist and her bra had been tossed aside in a passionate haste. He gently cupped her breasts as she drank him in.
As her lips moved down to his neck and his chest, she felt the familiar stirrings of his male hardness against her. She kissed his stomach while her hands unbuckled the constraints of his pants. She slid onto the floor and pulled him to sit at the edge, so she now knelt between his spread legs.
She slipped her hand inside and gripped the length of his long, hard shaft. He sighed softly as she pulled it out, shivering slightly in anticipation of the raw lust she would soon unleash. Holding it in one hand and stroking it gently with her fingertips…
“Do you want me to suck your cock?“
“Oh yeah.“
“I thought you said you were tired.“
“No…“
“So… can I suck your cock?“
“Yes…“
She ran her tongue up the length of his hardening cock, over and over again, licking it like she would a stick of ice-cream. Her lips lingered over the tip of his cock, wet tongue swirling over the newly exposed area where foreskin met cockhead. She closed her mouth over just the head, giving little sucks that induced soft moans from her intoxicated partner. A wicked smile curved her lips.
“You like this?“
“Mmfph.“
“You like your dirty girl sucking your cock?“
“Yeah, you’re a dirty girl.“
Without any indication she was about to, she dipped her head and slid his cock deep into her throat, tightening her lips as she did. He moaned. She held it there in heat and wetness for a moment, surpressing a gag that was an indication of how well-endowed he was. Then her head began to move up and down, repeatedly sucking his cock in as deep as she could before sliding it out again.
He propped himself on his elbows to watch. She released his cock from the confines of her hot, wet mouth and held it in one hand to begin deliciously long licks along the shaft. She raised her eyes to meet his as she did. She was aware of how she must look from where he was, and took a perverse delight in the slutty image.
As she licked, sucked, nibbled and pleasured his cockhead, she found she could not tear her gaze away from his. His eyes held hers intensely, an expression of barely-controlled lust mixed with an unfathomable one written across his face and smouldered in his irises. The cacophony of her lustful thoughts were silenced in that look, leaving nothing but a desire to please him and to want him to watch her please him.
Her cheeks flushed at the depth and intimacy of this connection that went beyond mere physical pleasure.
So this is what it has always supposed to be like, she thought.
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Meh. Feel free to get off on it. Lol.
11.06.08
Every Breath You Take
It just so happened my English Lit. class were dissecting songs, and our lecturer picked this one, and I listened to it in class and it somehow just fit my situation, and got stuck in my head. It seems like it’s some romantic love song at the outset, but when you get to know the lyrics, it’s kind of not. It’s really quite a sinister, stalker-ish , dark kind of song. The ‘antagonist’ is not just hung up and in pain over his love, he wants to possess and control and know everything about her too.
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you
Oh, can’t you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but its you I cant replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please
How scary it is that I related to the feeling! It’s the kind of pain you feel even smack in mid-afternoon, when you don’t even feel like crawling out of bed because you don’t want to face the world and face the realities of your sad situation. Your eyes are red and puffy, and when you realize how sad and pathetic you are and god, how much you need the other person, you feel a fresh stream running down your cheeks.
Despite the fact that he isn’t there at the time of your life when you need him the most, despite the fact that your core values are different or that he is too selfish or that you just know he isn’t the one for you… you still wake up every day wishing you didn’t. Because you’re so convinced you can change him and be the good thing in his life, and that he belongs to you and he’s meant to be with you… the depth of conviction is to me, at the core of this song.
I wanted to be back in his life so much that I lost sight of who I was and what I deserved. The fact that he just lived upstairs compounded my desperation. Looking back, I should’ve been surrounded with people who made me happy or been with someone who cared for me, instead of having to deal with my issues one mind-numbing day at a time, alone.
Well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. We were on and off, on again and off again… by the time the holidays were over, I decided to stay in KL for good. There was nothing holding me to Sg by then. I ended things between us properly, the way it should’ve been done a long time ago. I felt like I was so much bigger and so much better a person than he was.
He eventually apologized for the way he treated me; after his experience with his next girlfriend, he said he realized how he never appreciated me, and I said I forgave him… but did I really?
I think now I do, and maybe I should tell him. He would understand, because he’s big on the whole Christian forgiveness thing. But I do mean it, I’ve let it go. We can have normal, friendly, though slightly awkward conversations, and I saw him at Pierre’s memorial service. He has since also invited me to his wedding next month, which I was considering not attending to save the awkwardness. But my old hallmate said he would be happy to receive my blessing, and I guess it’s really time to bury the hatchet. Maybe it would be worth the trouble to go down.
05.25.08
Good curry mee and then some
I was brought to this place near Mont Kiara in a back alley that serves excellent curry mee.
“How’s the curry mee?”
“It’s really good, I like it.”
“So I just wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you.”
*choke on curry*
“I have always loved you.”
Flashback to 3 years ago, to the screaming fights, the slamming of doors, the cold silences.
“So how’s the tom yum?”
Ok I didn’t exactly reply with that, but I desperately wanted to avoid the inevitable conversation. What do you say to someone whose love you cannot return? Sorry maybe next time?
I felt a pang of regret for how things had turned out, at how he must hurt. I could have a stable, comfortable life, if only I can find it within myself to settle down with somebody as decent and reliable and all those things as him. But I’d just be doing a disservice to both of us. I feel stifled easily, and he can be overbearing. He’s precise to the point of rigidity, and I prefer flexibility. I”m restless, he thrives on stability.
We tried it out, it just didn’t work.
Why can’t people just leave things be the way they are? Why must there be MORE, or a need to fix things that aren’t broken in the first place? It has been a comfortable friendship and now I may be forced to cut back on it just so I don’t inadvertently “lead him on”.
I’ve been accused of that a number of times, by a bitter guy or two. What am I supposed to do… hang up on him? Ignore him? Tell him I don’t ever want to see him again? I’m willing to take some responsibility but my accusers have been partly to blame for having false hopes and not seeing what they did not want to see.
Here are some signs that a girl is not interested / has some reason to avoid you:
1. She SAYS she will call you back
2. The only thing she initiates is saying goodbye
3. She’s nice and polite, but never divulges any personal information
4. She never replies your messages
5. She just doesn’t show any inclination that she cares about what you did or who you did it with
But I digress. I understand why D feels that he has to tell me. I guess if i were in his place, I would feel that I had nothing to lose. We’re friends, that will never change. But getting hung up over all this is holding him back from exploring other possibilities. He deserves to settle down with someone who can give him what he’s looking for.
And that’s about all I can say about this.
05.02.08
The differences between di…men and pus…women.
Time and time again, I’m reminded about what it’s like to date men (no, it hasn’t been THAT long ago) and I wouldn’t mind being single again. As a collective, I find the different aspects of both genders fascinating, annoying, and endearing all at the same time. Some traits you can live with, some you can’t live without, and some make you want to pull out your hair. Having experienced them more…closely, certain things stand out to me.
| TRAIT | Men | Butches | Women |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sensitivity | Low degree, to the point of cluelessness. Some exceptions. | High degree, to the point it freaks me out. NO exceptions! | Depends. When it concerns them, especially. |
| Being affectionate | Not often. Unless it’s a prelude to sex! | All the time, though it gets awkward in public | Most of the time |
| Ego | Big | The harder the butch, the bigger | Small |
| Generousity | A lot | To a point it’s ridiculous | The least |
| Emotional dependence | Generally little. | A LOT. | A fair bit. Especially submissive ones. |
| Ability to compromise | Slightly retarded in this area. | High, to the point of being pushovers. | Even more retarded than men in this area. |
| Skills in bed | Directly proportionate to how well they kiss. | Rarely bad. | Directly proportionate to how much experience they’ve had. |
I’m generalizing, of course… but there are just a few inescapable facts. A man’s ego, for example. A woman’s willingness to please. A butch’s tortured outlook in life. Oh they’re almost always tortured… because they’ve had to deal with estrangement on different levels, an awkward childhood, parental pressures, the desire to find a partner… it’s tough to be a butch!Then you have the exceptions. Like, the needy, sensitive, emotionally dependent man who turns into a stalker when his girlfriend dumps him. Or the player butch who can turn a straight girl gay. Or very driven, ambitious women who don’t wait around for some rich guy to sweep them off their feet.People are interesting this way.
04.03.08
How To Kiss Well
Okay, here’s where you need to pay attention. Please!
Especially if you:
- Have never kissed before (in which case, isn’t it past your bedtime?)
- Have had one (or perhaps more) kissing partner(s) who never said you were bad, but NEVER SPECIFICALLY SAID YOU WERE GOOD. I SWEAR YOU NEED TO READ THIS.
- Are going to kiss someone new for the first time.
Or if you just want to be entertained, here goes…
1. Please start with a clean slate – literally! That means good hygiene, no funky smells from wherever funky smells come from, and most importantly – fresh breath! Cheat by using mints.
2. Please be at least 85% sure that it’s ’the right time’. If your target’s a guy, chances are any time is the right time, ha-ha. But if she’s a she… a measure of intuition, good judgement and assessment of the situation is essential. If you want to ASK, you ought to be aware that the question is almost always rhetorical. Only do so with the 85% assurance and only when you’re ready to initiate, because there’s nothing more awkward than “May I kiss you?” and actually waiting for her to stammer yes or worse, NO.
3. When I say “initiate”, I do not mean swooping in and taking your poor partner’s lips hostage. I mean the 90/10% rule. You’ve seen Hitch, you’ve heard a similar rule from him. Let me tell you, it’s TRUE. I’ve seen this tactic in action long before I watched the show. Basically this is what it is: You’re drawing closer, and closer, past your partner’s personal space, you maintain eye contact, tilt your head (nose mushing is extremely off-putting), g…o……e…v…e…n……c…l…o…s…e…r, drop your eyes to partner’s lips (so nobody has to see the other’s eyes cross) – and stop. Just freakin’ stop at 90% of the way. I call this The Hover. LET YOUR PARTNER COME THE REST OF THE WAY. This way, your partner is committed and you won’t look or feel like the desperate goon who wants to get into his/her/its pants.
4 . Gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle. Repeat this to yourself like your sex life depends on it, because it probably does. When your partner takes the trouble to come 10% to meet you, reward this deserving person with GENTLE. Not with a lip-chomping, teeth-gnashing, tongue-beating session that nobody should ever have to experience. Not to place too much an emphasis on this, but GUYS, not so much girls (trust me on this), may need to chant this mantra a little longer.
5. Eyes are either closed or semi-closed. There’s nothing more disconcerting than having someone stare at you from this | | far apart.
6. Absolutely no groping! Hands at a decent position which could range from his/her face, shoulders, waist, one lightly behind the head, or a combination of any of these decent places. If this is too High School Musical for you, please adjourn to www.thehustlerdiaries.blogspot.com.
7. There are a variety of kissing styles, but this *ahem* is a classic one I tend to favour. I’ll call it The Sandwich, because that’s what it is. Your partner’s top or bottom lip ends up between yours, and vice versa. Here is the beginning of a long, continuous kiss which, hopefully, will not be a traumatic experience for your partner. And it will be if you immediately shove your tongue down his/her throat. Absolutely no hint of tongue until no.10!
8. This is make or break: Establishing a rythmn. Let your lips do the caressing, slowly and what’s the word? Gently. Read your partner’s body language and let him/her participate in the kiss. LET HIM/HER PARTICIPATE IN THE KISS. How? You give and you take, you kiss and be kissed. Read responses and respond accordingly. Look out for signs of enjoyment (or lack of). You do not grab the baton and do the 400m dash. It’s a relay race. The worst kisses are those which are out of sync. And….
9. Slobbery. To avoid this, try swallowing before no.2 and no.3, and anytime you need to. Just… have a bit of self awareness throughout the whole thing. Please?
10. If done right, you should never have your lips pursed or closed completely at any point. Keep ‘em parted and flexible, should any changes in rythmn occur – such as when some tongue action seems to be in order! To test – as you’re kissing, let your tongue slide over the bottom of your partner’s lips. To test further – gently let your tongue probe your partner’s. Do these a few times to ascertain if he/she is ok with it. Now you can let your tongue caress his/hers, linger inside for longer, make slow and sensuous sweeps of your tongue across his/hers, and alternate these between the kissing you’ve already established at no.8.
So that’s my Kissing 101! Just some basic and ESSENTIAL things some people need to know. There’s no one-style-fits-all because everyone’s different – everyone is a new learning curve, and isn’t that the most enjoyable part of kissing? And trust me, you don’t want to be a bad kisser. Bad kissers = bad in bed. Because if you don’t know how to work it up here, you probably won’t know how to work it anywhere else!
