December 31, 2011
Happy New Year
Here on the cusp of another arc in my life, I look back at the things I did and did not do this year. There always seems to be more of the latter than the former. Am I bummed out about it, or disappointed, or sad… I don’t know. It seems that all I ever seem to feel is apathy and it’s so hard to get me excited or psyched about something for long. Do I sound defeated? Depressed? Maybe I am a little bit.
This year, some things have taken a toll on my health – time, for one. Work. Worries. I hate saying it because giving voice to something seems to make it real. On the up side, well, it makes me more aware of how important it is to get enough rest, eat well, etc etc, the whole drill. I shouldn’t even be up right now, being shit company to nobody but myself.
There have been some things I view in a positive light. It’s been a good year for reading, after discovering two new authors. For me, it’s somewhat of an escapist thing to do, to lose myself in books instead of brooding over things. It’s not a bad thing, diverting your attention from things you can’t change. Some things I could though – I changed jobs to a global agency. Don’t know yet if it was a good change or a bad change but after being stagnant in one spot, any change is good I guess. I’m learning new things, improving my craft, and that’s always good.
Recently I’ve been into photography. It’s given me a considerable amount of fun and interest, and that’s good. I’m even quite excited over these coaching sessions I’ve been receiving online, so we’ll see how that goes. At least the 2 year old DSLR is put to good use. What I’ve been lax though, is in my writing, and that’s bad. Too many things have been going on. I’m rushing a submission for a short story compilation, so if I make it I can at least say I did something. Which sucks.
I’m not ungrateful for the people in my life either, though this year I could’ve prioritised my friends more. I could try and explain it away with the whole health/worry issues, but… maybe it’s also lack of effort on my part. My relationship has taken precedence, and it has been a source of joy and comfort for most part. But I don’t know where it’s going and I wish there is more conviction and assurance.
Just keeping things real. I will not do myself a disservice and wallow in uncertainty. What I know more than I have ever known anything is that you have one life and it is not long.
So let’s try to make the best out of 2012. And cherish the people close to your heart.
