I’m staring into cyberspace to take a blissful few moments of doing nothing before I pack up and leave work. A funny thought enters my head as I recall my boss’ pep talk (and he rarely gives them) regarding this big pitch we’re all staying up late for.

What he said:
Guys, I have picked this team because I believe that all of you have what it takes for us to win this pitch.

What I heard:
Guys, each of you have been slacking off for weeks, so it’s time to get your asses moving and mark my words, they’re on the line because if we don’t retain our biggest client ever in the history of the company, I will do a Donald Trump on you.

*shudder*