05.21.09
The moment
When you take the trouble to really listen to what someone’s saying and ask the right questions, you’ll find that more often than not, they’ll want to continue talking. I think that we are usually so wrapped up in our own heads that we truly don’t take the time to listen.
And why should that be? The world’s full of interesting people with interesting stories. I like hearing about stuff, opinions, experiences, whatever. Maybe it’s because sub-consciously I know I may not live through much in a short time. Or I like living through other people as my own life seems pretty mundane in comparison.
There comes a moment in a conversation, when the other person seems comfortable – eager, even – to confide and open up completely. I revel in these moments when I feel I’ve gained the ease and trust of the person I’m talking to. It is a moment of honesty, of a soul laid bare, of walls temporarily removed, when I hold still, almost afraid to say anything or change my expression in case the spell is broken.
And then there is the inevitable “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this”. Honestly, I don’t know either. But I do know that I cherish these moments of sharing and empathy, like gifts bestowed upon me in these bleak days.
05.11.09
On the subject of morality
Me me me me me… yes, this blog is all about me. I was wondering if I’ve been too self-absorbed with my posts when I also realized this is MY blog. Lol. What am I supposed to write about… current affairs? My country’s crumbling political system? Who’s dating who or who’s wearing what? We already have newspapers and tabloids to deal with that. And if I feel any of those worthy of my comments, then I will provide some. Until then, I’m just going to bore my limited pool of readers with stuff about me. That’s why you guys rock, ‘cos you stomach all this stuff just to check out what’s going on in my increasingly mundane life. ><
Anyway. Today I feel like crapping out some thoughts on morality. It is a timeless issue that we may respond to differently at different stages in our lives. But in making a stand, no matter what your life situation is, you build your character and take a step towards the ideals you want to personify.
Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Some of us have religions that dictate these things, and some of us are ruled by some sense of ethics possibly shaped by societal norm and culture and whatever. Humans have empathy, so generally we conduct ourselves in a way that does not cause pain and suffering to the next person.
How far does a person take his or her moral conviction? Until it becomes an inconvenience? Until it gets in the way of self-gratification? Until something has to be sacrificed in order to do the right thing?
The people I admire most hold their ground until the end, no matter what it takes to uphold their principles.
How about morals with regards to commitment? It should be fairly straightforward – if you’re committed, then commit to being committed. If not, one betrays the other’s love and trust and hence, causes the aforementioned pain and suffering. So why do bastards and bitches do it? After all, we’re supposed to be a moral and civilised society. Can there be any justification for cheating?
I’m inclined to say no, you cannot ever justify ripping a person’s heart out of their throats. But who am I to judge? All I know is that the ideals that I would like to personify do not allow for it. If there’s a problem, fix it. If there’s another person, don’t pursue it.
I agree with what a wise young woman said, that commitment is the conscious making of decisions that honour the commitment. Politely decline the invitation for drinks, for example. Don’t reply messages, or avoid situations that could potentially tempt you. No matter how hot the antagonist is. Because some things are worth saving and keeping and treasuring.
And on a biological perspective, people commit to increase their chances of conceiving and then their chances of raising an offspring to maturity. So commitment is a GOOD thing. Lol.
Just some food for thought before we all start a fresh week in our moral lives.
05.06.09
A stupid poem
I hate writing or reading poems, because the only ones that actually sound like poems have rhymes force-fitted in that end up sounding awkward at the end of the lines. And the ones that don’t sound like poems sound like randomly disjointed sentences strung together in a semblance of a theme.
Tried writing a prose once for a guy who probably had no idea how long it took to write it and probably wouldn’t have appreciated it more anyway.
In the spirit of the whole emo phase I seem to be going through, I think it warrants some emo poem. It would only be fitting. In fact, it’s practically required in these circumstances.
Why…
Does it feel like the pit of doom
How…
Have I sunk into such gloom
Who…
Gives a shit about me
What…
Is the meaning of this misery
Perhaps the answer is within
Where puppies roam and angels sing
Hahahaha… that was really lame.
People will disappoint
God knows I’ve done my fair share of disappointing people – boyfriends, friends, family, whoever – and it doesn’t feel good to let people down, but it really really sucks when the reverse happens.
Maybe I spoke too soon about looking forward to Monday because while MonDAY was sort of ok with too much work to really dwell on the bad weekend, MonNIGHT took a turn for the worse, very unexpectedly, just like how today is taking a turn for the worse.
The movie cheered me up somewhat, but my mood turned black as the sky when I was back home.
In these few days, the people who know me best and whom I care about the most simultaneously decided in their heads that it was a good time to give one back to me.
It’s beautiful how harmoniously the universe works. I mean, it just wouldn’t do for them, for Circumstances, to stagger their blows. No, obviously the world doesn’t spin that way. As it should be, the punches were delivered at the same time with very generous helping of force, like a big cosmic knuckle sandwich.
Alright, you get the breath knocked out of you, but you gotta roll with it right? Get up, suck it up and move on with life.
That’d be easy if I didn’t intermittently get angry and upset throughout the day.
For whatever my faults are (and I know there are plenty), I am there for each and every one of those I care about. I might be late, I might not be able to find the right words, or do the right thing even, whatever, but I will get there and be there in whatever way I can. I will stick up for you when others criticize (the need for this is more often than one might think), I will justify your actions even if you don’t deserve it and I will defend you whether you’re right or wrong. It may sound like blind loyalty, but that’s my promise to the few people I give a damn about. If I’ve failed anyone in doing this, it is not my intention.
Knowing what I’m willing to do and have done makes it incredibly frustrating on top of feeling abandoned.
Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that I’ve had to rush a big presentation for these past two days. Only had time to brood in between delivering stuff and meetings.
Tired of dark thoughts for the past couple of days. You know, either I’m worth it or I’m not. If I’m not, don’t waste my time and yours.
05.04.09
Shitty weekend
On the shit scale of 1-10, with 1 being on par with the time I had to be admitted for dengue fever, this weekend scores around 1.5 – and only because I could take a bath anytime I wanted to. Many instances were similar – like it was hot all the time, my mood swung back and forth between bad and crap, and it was an opportunity to reassess the people/things in my life.
It started out with a night of crappy clubbing, continued with the crappy breakdown of my crappy car, was peppered with people who (if they had not made it worse) brought nothing to my generally dismal weekend, and is now ending with a crappy blog entry.
Basically it was full of shit and I’m glad it’s over. For once, I’m glad to go back to work on Monday.
