01.31.09
Please be careful
A clos friend of mine, KL, got into a nasty accident on the Kerinchi Link at about 6pm on Thursday (29th). It was raining and one of the back tyres lost control. He was going at about 70km/h. The old Rav4 flipped and he was actually suspended upside down.
He managed to crawl out and had a bit of help from a motorcyclist. No serious injuries, thankfully, just some cuts and bruises and a shoulder sprain at most. The car is a pretty sturdy, solid car – I love Rav4s, actually – and it protected him, but now it’s a wreck and may not be able to be salvaged.
When he told me about this, I chastised him for not being careful after checking if he was okay. But after I hung up, it really sank in that he could’ve been seriously hurt or worse. My heart rate picked up, I felt breathless and tears squeezed out as I imagined the possibilities of alternate outcomes – which were not far-fetched given the random nature of such events.
When you’re on the road, please be careful… I would be devastated to lose any one of my friends. Being careful also includes not speeding…. because you never know when something unexpected might occur, when you’ll need control of your car. And don’t drink and drive – it’s an undignified way to go. Think of your family if not yourself.
For fear of sounding naggy, I will stop here.
01.30.09
Judgement on the world
Thoughts inspired by Anne Rice’s Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt
I finished the book just as the sun fell and put it away to stare outside the window of the bus. There was nothing much to look at except a remarkably big star – or could it be one of the planets? – shining starkly against the night.
As I wondered at it, I also wondered what happened to the sense of wonder that pervaded by younger days. I used to study my equatorial star chart and try to spot the constellations, dreaming that there were worlds not unlike ours or perhaps very different from ours, circling those orbs that were so unimaginably far away.
Even on a terresterial level, there is much to marvel at. Someone once told me and wrote in her book that it is certainly not a small world. It is big. Technology has somehow fooled us into thinking that everything and everyone is so much closer. Singapore, for all the emails and mobile texts you can send instantly, still takes 5 hours to reach in a steady bus.
And the time we have here is just a minuscule fraction in the grand scale of things. Why do we waste it by fighting and polluting and making life ugly? It’s not just the warlords in some backwater 5th world country, or big corporations out to maximize profits – it’s also us right here in our daily lives. We contribute to a gray existence that’s generally dull and mean and lacklustre.
For all the technology in the world to make some good in this world, so much of it goes to making the exact opposite.
That’s just gotta change.
I tried to wrap my mind around the vast distance between my bus and the stars. If a highly advanced civilization were to observe us, what would they think? What would they see in our future? Dirty, nasty creatures, these humans. They have so much potential – as evident in their arts and aesthetics, their music, their sacrifices, ideals and principles – but they waste it in their greed.
The world’s big, but wherever we live - be it Norway or Namibia – we have fundamental commonalities. Our need to to have enough food and water, for one, to love, to provide for our families, to be happy. Doesn’t that lay some sort of groundwork for peace on earth? Apparently not. Nowadays, one party’s happiness seems directly proportionate to the other’s misery. That’s just how screwed up the state of affairs in the world has been.
What do I know? I’m just a little person in a little corner of the world, taking up this little space wherever I go. But I do know this: one day the world will have a reckoning, and we will have to pay for our actions.
Aside from dreamily thinking about these things, the bus ride was pretty uneventful.
01.21.09
Today
Of all the things to forget, I forgot to wear a stupid bra. I only realized it after strutting down the corridor of my office building and getting into the lift which has mirrors. I was like, holyyy cow… look at those portruding nipples!
Umm yea, so I’m wearing a cardigan to cover my semi nakedness.
I’m taking the train to Singapore tonight for my twice-yearly doctor visit tomorrow. It’s gonna be a quick one as usual, will be back tomorrow night itself. As much as it’s an inconvenience to go down, I don’t actually complain because I’m grateful and relieved that I have a good doctor there who knows what he’s doing.
Other than all this, today’s pretty mundane.
01.16.09
Exhausted
Physically, mentally and emotionally… due to work, work and some really pointless fights with her over the past week or so that culminated in something not unlike an explosion today.
Maybe it’s what she said, or maybe it’s a combination of my reaction and what she said and my interpretation of it. The thing is, 90% of our fights happen as a result of our chats online so I think sometimes a lot of things get lost in translation over the line.
But today’s conversation was really uncalled for. She really crossed the line bringing my bestie into it. If you want to make it a point to tell me you’re moving on fine and you’ve got all these wonderful plans for the future, fine, it’s all well and good for you. Do what you have to do. In fact, I’ll even quietly let it go that you’re making such a POINT about it.
But the moment you try to wield my best friend like a weapon to hit me with is when you see explosions.
Bad enough I have to share some of my friends with her. It’d have all been fine if we were on good terms… but the sad fact is, we’ve got too much baggage between us right now. Again I question the effort to maintain the friendship.
Sometimes friendship is not the solution to making life happier/easier. This is the first time I’ve experienced this for myself. Because I’ve always made it a point to stay friends with exes. Why do I bother? Because as exes, we started out as friends, and then we’ve shared experiences and good feelings, we’ve cared for each other – it seems a shame to let it go down the drain. After all.. just because it did not work out romantically doesn’t mean it won’t work out platonically. Right?
But this particular ‘friendship’ has been very very trying. Well, we’ll see what happens.
I was drained after blowing up at her. She had apologized and said she didn’t mean it the way I thought she did. I don’t know… that’s what she always says in the end so I don’t know. Don’t think she’d admit otherwise. I was just already exhausted from a serious lack of sleep due to some last minute job the night before. So… I couldn’t be bothered to pursue the subject.
The whole thing was very upsetting though.
I got off work at a reasonable hour only to suddenly remember I had to collect my return trip ticket from Singapore. So there was a mild Amazing Race-like mission to get to the coach office before 9pm. Sigh. There went my relaxing night I was envisioning.
Not that I could have had one anyway. I blame the exhaustion for my crankiness. I’m going to sleep now. Zzzzz…….
01.14.09
Heartline: Call #1
You have filled a void in me which I thought would forever remain empty.
Potentially pregnant
Lol. So I went to the gynae last week for the yearly pap smear. She told me to lie down so she could do this ultrasound scan on me first. One cool thing was that there was a screen right above my bed so I could see the scan as well. At first, it was just a blurry black and white image of… shapes…
Gynae: Ah… there you go, you see your ovaries? You have lovely ovaries.
Me: Er… ok. (thanks?)
Gynae: You see those two round shapes there? Those are your ovaries.
Me: …
Gynae: They are shaped very nicely, you are potentially pregnant.
Me: !!! (expression of pure terror and panic; did she see something in the scan?!)
Gynae: =)
Me: Uh… sorry, what do you mean I’m… potentially pregnant?
Gynae: Your ovaries are lovely and healthy, there is no obstruction, so if you don’t use protection you can get pregnant.
Me: …oh.
An immense wave of relief swept over me and I resisted a sudden urge to giggle.
I hate hospitals
I was at the University Hospital yesterday waiting like a donkey to see the doctor to get a prescription renewed, and after 4 hours of sitting around I didn’t even get to see him because he was called away for an emergency.
It wasn’t as bad for me as for the elderly lady also waiting for him, who was sick and really needed to see him. To have been waiting there meant that her caretakers had to crawl their way from the main road through the crowded grounds to the parking lot and fight for a spot, take a hike through the convoluted twists and turns of corridors while wheeling the old lady, take a cue number amongst a score of patients who were waiting to go into any one of 20 rooms (or so) in the clinic, wait for their turn to be processed into the crappy system, then get another cue number to wait for the doctor.
Besides all the waiting and inefficiencies, I hate going to the place because I am confronted with this fear that one day I’ll end up there. Instead of some spanking clean sparkly hospital like in Singapore, I have this phobia that if an emergency occurs I’ll just land myself there… where nobody gives a shit about you, not the half past six nurses or the locally-trained doctors, and they’ll stick stuff on and inside you without knowing what they’re doing or looking out for. I’m afraid they’ll cut me open and then not stitch me back properly. Or drop a handful of gauze into my intestines (true story).
The place just doesn’t inspire my confidence. I’m not necessarily prejudiced against government institutions but I’ve heard enough horror stories from this hospital. I myself stayed there for almost a week when I ended up with dengue back in end 2006. It was a horrible experience I would never want to repeat. It started out with waiting (as usual) almost the whole day with a persistent fever just to be checked in finally about 8 or 9 hours later and then being pricked about ten times because the noob houseman couldn’t find my veins.
Anyway, I hate hospitals in general. Being surrounded by sick people all over the place and knowing you yourself have a reason to be there is kind of depressing. And I hate the thought of germs. Sick people have germs. So I just sort of make myself really small and hope I don’t attract germs. Urgh.
The only ‘good’ thing that comes out of going to a depressing place is… I’m reminded about the things that are important. All the stupid little insecurities and petty problems and doubts and worries… they kind of fly away in the face of serious concerns. I mean… we always take our health for granted, and the health of the people we care about. When in fact we should be grateful every day that we are alive and well and blessed.
Ok, I just had to rant about my sucky hospital trip.
01.08.09
NYE/NY ‘09 celebrations
Highlights included:
- Absolutely yummy imported beer
- Hitting that sweet spot where I’m happy but sober enough to laugh at other people’s antics (and also take pics and videos)
- Witnessing straight guys get it on with one another
- Having a special someone puke all around me, thankfully not on me, but now I feel closer to him LOL
- Watching a text-messaging scandal unfold right before my eyes
- Hearing drunken declarations
- Escorting a pissed drunk person all the way back to his place and waiting half an hour for him to finally settle down in bed after getting up every 5 minutes to puke in the bathroom
- Bestie’s awesome cooking at my place the next day: Tomato olive bruschetta, pasta carbonara and a fantastic tiramisu. I contributed by cutting up the fruits >< And mum bought chicken wings.
- Guitar Hero 3, ’nuff said
- Old friends, new friends, good friends
- Cam-whoring, ‘cos bestie and I just love it and we didn’t get to do much on the eve because we were seperated, boooo :P
- Raspberry vodka with Ribena
- Kung Pow, ENOUGH SAID LOLOLOL
- Stuff going on under the blankets
- Pooch enjoyed the company of so many people too!
All in all, it was one of the better year-end celebrations I’ve had. Was surrounded by the people I love and my pooch – I couldn’t ask for more. More pics on my facebook!
