Not this guy!

When I’m really tired after a long day, the walls of some metaphysical dam inside me tends to weaken and this flood of negative emotions pours out. I start feeling feeling helpless and weepy and alllll aloneee… it’s pathetic! I’ve learnt to recognize it as signs of fatigue, though, so I just take a deep breath and try to get some rest. Get some strength back to rebuild the walls.

Sometimes though, I wallow in it, relishing every tortured second. I think about life, about fate, about God, about circumstances… tell myself that the African kids have it worse… try a little Pearl Jam therapy…

Someone said that I was DEVOID OF EMOTION in the things I said. Ok I admit I’m a bit guarded in volunteering information about myself, and I have this bad habit of keeping things open and vague, but surely one cannot expect me to pour my hopes and dreams and heart out to just anybody, right?

Or anyone, for that matter. People have their own problems and worries for the day… who’s interested in hearing about someone else’s feelings anyway? The next time your friend or colleague asks how you are, see if they’re really interested in hearing about your day at the gym or crimping disaster at the salon. Chances are, they’re asking you how you are just so you can ask them back and they can rant about their day. *shrug*

If someone cares enough… I just don’t see the necessity in burdening that person with your emotional baggage.

 
Oh, EVERYONE has some sort of emotional baggage or other. It’s just a matter of how much you want to play it up or down or how open you are about it.

I just find that as we grow older, people just get more and more wrapped up with themselves. They socialize for their own gains, flash fake little smiles and think that the world owes them something. Am I the only person who thinks so? Why in the world would I tell someone how I felt just for it to be used against me or to be taken advantage of?

OK I realize this probably sounds like some teenage angst type of rant, a bitter trust-no-one monologue…………… but it’s true!

Coming back to being devoid of emotion; I’ve told myself I would never, never, never put myself again in a position where I was not in control. Or where I was at the mercy of the whims and fancies of some loser because I lost my freaking mind. The more you divulge, the more weapons people have against you. Simple as that. 

Devoid of emotions indeed… ha! Try ’having a shred of common sense’.  

Besides. Anger is an emotion. I’m hardly lacking in that department.